fireincarnate | 31 - Video - Backdated to 4th

[It's amazing, what playing with life and death will take out of you.

She's not sure what she did, exactly - just that she fixed something that was broken, and it took near everything she had. And it came on top of everything else - a month of being helpless, the chaos of the collision, the loss of everyone on Mirror Barge, their own people still missing.

(If she thinks about it took hard - about where Anya might be, if she's even alive - she thinks she might break.)

So she's just been resting. Recovering her strength, regaining her equilibrium. Talking to Morgana helped and hurt in equal measure, but it gave her the push she needed.

She knows how to put on a good face - to look calm and assured, even when she's twisted up inside. Her smile is warm and open, lit by the fire dancing round her fingers.]

I know we're all recovering right now. For those who don't know - I'm something of a therapist. If anyone wants to talk, I'm here.

[Current Patients]

How are you doing? Do you need anything?

[Wichita]

[Her smile turns rueful.] I'm sorry it took me this long to check in. Did you come through everything okay?

[Emperor]

[This is the first time she hesitates. She's not sure how she feels, now, about the choices she made on Mirror Barge. About how she's changed and what that means. About what his goal really was, in guiding her.

But ignoring it would be cowardly - and whatever his reasons, he helped her. He made her feel strong, secure, in ways she didn't think possible.]

I wanted to thank you. [Yes, that's true enough.] I know you had a bigger agenda, there, but I - I think I would have been a lot worse, without you there.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The thing about telepathy is that silence is never a barrier, and she's most grateful for that in moments like this. She steps forward, and gently pulls Touko in her arms, and holds her close.]

[She lets Jean wrap her arms around her, but stands stock where she is, tendons tight and her body shaking as she tries to let herself respond in any way other than dumb acceptance. She knows she had a choice, but the next part is a little beyond her. She and Makoto hadn't even gotten to holding hands, even with everything she let him see inside her head.

Everyone has to let go eventually, though, and when the appropriate time comes a few seconds later, Touko still isn't ready. It takes every bit of courage to wrap her arms around Jean's waist, her breath tremulous as she lets it in and out, but she has to keep her there.]

I shouldn't have said anything to you. I should have left it at Syo, so we could handle it.

Edited 2015-02-11 00:14 (UTC)

No. [Soft but firm.] You don't need to handle any of this alone.

And I don't think we can work out Syo unless we figure apart everything that caused her existence.

[Touko keeps clinging to Jean and leans her head into her shoulder to look down at both their feet. She has felt safe a small handful of times in the past two years, enough that she could count them and still have fingers to hold her bird on. She wants to be able to fold down one more finger, but it still doesn't seem right to her that she's here.]

It's too much at once for anyone at all. I don't care if you're the one supposed to be fixing me or putting me first or whatever you want to call it. I don't want to get my hopes up.

[Jean doesn't tighten her embrace, but she doesn't loosen it, either. She wants Touko to know that she won't trap her or push her away.]

It's hard to believe in people when most of them have let you down. [She thinks of Esther, and Helena, and Logan, and - ]

We don't - we can take this one step at a time, Touko. You control how this goes.

I always lied before. If someone saw something was wrong with me. No one knew about Syo, too many people knew who I'd fall in love with. I started convincing anyone who asked me I wanted to be left alone.

I-it didn't take long to get them to stop asking questions. [And that, for Touko, as she buries her forehead deep into Jean's collarbone as if she can hide away, is the real betrayal. If you love someone, you don't leave them alone. You don't accept them pushing you away.]

[She can feel it, that aching disappointment, and she offers silent assurance in return. I will not abandon you.]

They should have tried harder. [Still soft, and not condemning.] But you need to try, too.

I am trying. I just can't predict anyone here. I want to try.

Trying...it involves some risk. [Easy for the telepath to say, maybe, but she remembers what it was like, not having any cues beyond what people said, how they moved. Even now, she makes her share of missteps.] Trial and error.

Edited 2015-02-18 20:48 (UTC)

31 - Video - Backdated to 4th

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues

spam ; cw: rape and rape analogues